Personal Growth...

I'm not sure what to write about today, but I know I want to write. Right now my life is a waiting game, and there isn't anything I can do about that. I had a conversation about using this time to grow. Sounds so easy, right?

One idea thrown out on the topic was "finding religion." I find it absurd that religion is still thought of as positive personal growth. Yes, it means I need to find my own sources of comfort. I cannot use the crutch of a divine being, or of an afterlife that will be better than this life. This life is all we have, we should enjoy it to the fullest.

That being said, I have a hard time letting myself live because I am in part living for my husband. I have fibromyalgia, a condition that really isn't even understood let alone treatable. Yes, there are medications. No, they don't work for me and from what I've read, they rarely do much in general to help a patient with fibromyalgia become more functional. I tried one that got rid of the pain, but I was basically a vegetable, not a good tradeoff.

So, how do I grow when I can barely function? I need to be comfortable enough in my own skin to try even without someone to catch me and hold me when I am left in so much pain I can't even think. I feel I grow with each book I read, with each talk I listen to, and when I talk to people from other places in the world.

It all comes down to one thing, though. What is the point? For everyone it is different. I choose to focus on what makes me happy. People make me happy, though being an introvert I need certain people not a crowd. Games make me happy, and can take my attention away from the hole of missing my loved-ones leaves me, as can books. Books can steal away days. My husband sometimes plays a game out of talking while I read and seeing how long it takes me to realise he's even there. =)

So, I don't think I'd be doing much different if I were able. The main thing I'd do would be find a gaming group so I could play some Dungeons and Dragons. I need a vehicle and/or a place to gather before I can do that again. So, anyway. I try to better myself each day, even if some days it is simply figuring out how to effectively run missions in Guild Wars with only myself and heroes...=P